Lawyer of Denver

Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again

Description

In this ground-breaking book, Michele Weiner-Davis gives straightforward, effective advice on how couples can stay together instead of come apart.

Using case histories to illustrate her marriage-enriching, divorce-preventing techniques, which can be used even if only one partner participates, Weiner-Davis shows readers:

* How to leave the past behind and set attainable goals

* Strategies for identifying problem-solving behavior that works -- and how to make changes last

* "Uncommon-sense" methods for breaking unproductive patterns

Inspirational and accessible, Divorce Busting shows readers in pain that working it out is better than getting out.

Reviews

Rating: 3 / 5
Date: 2010-07-15
Summary: "Good for marital problems but many divorces don't involve the."

This book is written from the perspective of a psychologist who uses a good method. The ideas of SBT are practical and effective. It focuses on observable behaviors rather than psycho-babble about imaginary internal processes and personality types. If the marital problems are behavioral in nature, this approach can get results.

The book is well written and well organized.

I especially like Chapter 7 about taking responsibility for your own happiness. In many cases, avoiding divorce is impossible, but this advice at least makes it easier for spouse who is being divorced.

But the fallacy is that most divorces these days are because of affairs, not because of real marraige problems. Unilateral "No Fault" divorce became the law in most states over 30 years ago, and divorce is so easy that people do it for many reasons other than escaping bad marraiges. Adultery is not only legal but politically correct, and anybody who has an affair with somebody who is younger, sexier, or wealthier than their spouse can quickly and easily divorce their spouse to "upgrade" to their new partner. "Irreconcilable differences" is just a legal fiction in most cases. If your spouse is divorcing you because of an affair rather than because of true marraige problems, then using psychology to try to avoid the divorce will just create frustration and waste your time. And don't believe the divorce-industry propaganda that affairs are a by-product of marriage problems that just happen by themselves.

The story of George and Alicia in Chapter Six shows the book's lack of insight into adultery-based divorces. These are two people whom the author says were both married when they met and had an affair before divorcing their respective spouses and marrying each other purely for sex. Then -- Surprise! -- they had trouble trusting each other after they were married for a short time. It should be obvious that two dishonest people who cheated on their former spouses would cheat on each other as well or at least suspect each other of cheating, that divorce is a near certainty for a marraige between two people like this, and they deserve to reap what they sow. But Weinar-Davis instead tries to do some SBT therapy with George to save that pathetic marraige at least for a little while. SBT probably would not have helped the former spouses of George and Alicia.

Because of easy No-Fault divorce in most states, saving your marraige is ultimately just a matter of chance. If your spouse really wants to divorce you to be with somebody else, techniques like SBT probably won't work. But still this book might have some useful ideas.

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Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2010-02-10
Summary: "Focusing On What Works from EffectiveFamilyCommunication.com"

(This review was originally posted on my blog: www.EffectiveFamilyCommunication.com)

When it comes to keeping your marriage together and improving your sex life, Michele Weiner-Davis is the guru par-excellence. In her New York Times bestseller, Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, Weiner-Davis takes a no-nonsense brief approach to helping couples on the verge of divorce work through their issues.

Turning problems into solutions, Weiner-Davis forces her readers to work on improving communication around sex, intimacy, and money. She encourages men to roll up their sleeves and help out by doing the dishes and taking out the garbage. She encourages women to pay more attention to the emotional and social needs of their husbands by knowing when to dote, when to nag, and when to back off.

Taking an inside-out approach to helping couples, rather than fixing what's broken, Weiner-Davis focuses on what works in the marriage. She teaches couples that by strengthening the healthy elements of their marriage, the problems will iron themselves out naturally.

Following are several quotations from Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again which I've chosen at random:

I do not get sidetracked by pessimism and hopelessness as I did in days past. Now I know that hopelessness is a reasonable response to an unreasonable situation (pg. 13).
Diagnosing one's spouse as the source of the problem, a common antecedent to divorce, doesn't take into account the roles both partners play in the deterioration of the relationship (pg. 13).
Research shows that except in extreme cases of abuse children want their parents together (pg. 13).
For every sex-starved husband, there is a wife with a low sex drive. Every compulsive cleaner is paired with a hopeless slob (pg. 82).
Take a moment to recall specific times you and your spouse routinely reach dead ends. Maybe discussions about money, sex, or careers always end in battle (pg. 106).
How many people imagine utopia when they are asked about goals (pg. 113).

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Rating: 3 / 5
Date: 2009-04-04
Summary: "Divorce Busters Review"

I got the book for my brother who needed it. I thought I was getting the fast 1 to 2 day delivery but it came 2 weeks past when I needed it.

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Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2009-02-24
Summary: "Divorce Busting"

Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy are must reads for anyone going thru serious relationship problems. The answer is not divorce but reconciliation, that is the message Michele Weiner-Davis is spreading. And one person can change a relationship.

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Rating: 3 / 5
Date: 2008-12-22
Summary: "OK"

Itll work if you are still together but forget about it if you are already seperated, expecially far distances.